Sometimes I feel like a complete contradictor to my own self. I refuse to socialize, I refuse to meet new people, I refuse to be around anybody, I refuse to associate with anybody but really, the thought of being ignored, forgotten or being put aside fears the hell out of me. I don't understand. I don't understand at all. You see, I've been showered with lots of love, attention, care and concern since young, so everytime I don't get any, it somehow brings down my spirit. Then I feel sick and my heart starts to palpitate. My mind begins to mess up and I can't think clearly neither can I speak. I feel a sensation of detachment from reality that I can't really share.

I chose to be by myself now but truthfully speaking, its not working out very well for me. It hurts. It hurts so bad and I'm not used to it. But don't get me wrong tho, I believe I am independant, and I do have my own backbone. Maybe its because I have a low self-image and don't believe that others will think I'm worth remembering. And maybe that's also the reason why I shouldn't get too attached to somebody.

But its too late now.